Digging

You're not supposed to dig up the past.  People that do so in movies end up finding out horrible things about their spouse, which they were happy not to know.  In real life, all you end up doing is infecting yourself with tons of "what if" questions that can plague you for days.  Curiosity got the best of me though.  I Googled some old acquaintances (ok...exes) that I had wondered whatever happened to them.  The good and decent part of you hopes they are doing well, but deep down in the darkest corners of your heart you hope that they are miserable.  It somehow validates your self-worth to know that someone was better off until you left their lives.  It's as if you're the X factor that made them great while you knew them.

The fact is, both of the people I went looking for have gone on to live successful and happy lives.  At this point, the paradigm of you being the X factor turns on you.  You must have been what was holding them back.  In the end, they were better off without you.  Then you start to question your current relationships: "Am I holding others back right now?"  It's a downward spiral based on a faulty premise, but it makes for a heck of a soul searching shower.

The fact is, there are too many variables in life to know what might have been.  The lives we touch and those that touch us bounce around like lottery balls.  You can't look at someone's life and say why they are successful.  Or unsuccessful for that matter.  You can't even do that with your own life.

My point is multiple:

1. Don't dig in the dirt.  It's better to think of all those that have lost touch with you cursing the day they ever lost your influence in their lives.  Ignorance is bliss.
2. If you disregard point 1, it's better to think that you were the launch pad for their happiness.  They may have left you behind, but they never would have got where they are without you.
3. If you don't want to look back 10 years from now and wonder what might have been, cherish the relationships you have and don't let the lines of communication go dark.
4. The real point is: Judge not.  Neither yourself nor others.