The Blah-g

After taking a tour of a few other blogs out there, I've noticed that mine is rather plain.  Others have personal details and pictures.  They are spritely and humorous.  Mine is not.

Since I write this mostly for myself, it doesn't bother me, but I can't help but wonder if people would like a more personal touch?  If you are reading this for any reason, then you need to know - I'm plain.  This blog is a reflection of me.  If you want to get to know me, then what you see should be an accurate reflection.

Anecdote: My freshman year in college I had a huge corkboard that I could put posters and fun stuff that reflected my personality.  Everyone had tons of stuff pinned to their boards.  Mine was blank.  Completely.  I'm not sure why.  Perhaps I liked the austerity of it to contrast with everyone else.  Perhaps I was too lazy to do anything.  Perhaps I was making a statement.  (The lazy theory sounds best.)  Finally some friends cornered me about my lack of flair.  To which I took a precision screwdriver and threw it across the room to stick in the board like a mercenary hurling a dagger.  It remained there and I was never challenged again.

Wanna see if I can still throw a screwdriver?

Digging

You're not supposed to dig up the past.  People that do so in movies end up finding out horrible things about their spouse, which they were happy not to know.  In real life, all you end up doing is infecting yourself with tons of "what if" questions that can plague you for days.  Curiosity got the best of me though.  I Googled some old acquaintances (ok...exes) that I had wondered whatever happened to them.  The good and decent part of you hopes they are doing well, but deep down in the darkest corners of your heart you hope that they are miserable.  It somehow validates your self-worth to know that someone was better off until you left their lives.  It's as if you're the X factor that made them great while you knew them.

The fact is, both of the people I went looking for have gone on to live successful and happy lives.  At this point, the paradigm of you being the X factor turns on you.  You must have been what was holding them back.  In the end, they were better off without you.  Then you start to question your current relationships: "Am I holding others back right now?"  It's a downward spiral based on a faulty premise, but it makes for a heck of a soul searching shower.

The fact is, there are too many variables in life to know what might have been.  The lives we touch and those that touch us bounce around like lottery balls.  You can't look at someone's life and say why they are successful.  Or unsuccessful for that matter.  You can't even do that with your own life.

My point is multiple:

1. Don't dig in the dirt.  It's better to think of all those that have lost touch with you cursing the day they ever lost your influence in their lives.  Ignorance is bliss.
2. If you disregard point 1, it's better to think that you were the launch pad for their happiness.  They may have left you behind, but they never would have got where they are without you.
3. If you don't want to look back 10 years from now and wonder what might have been, cherish the relationships you have and don't let the lines of communication go dark.
4. The real point is: Judge not.  Neither yourself nor others.   

On Twitter

Have you ever watched a Ken Burns documentary film?  I could watch his Civil War documentary every day.  He sprinkles in eye witness accounts of the events that occurred, usually from personal letters and it never ceases to amaze me the beauty and poetic nature of the letters.  Did people actually talk that way back then?  Or are the letters that he quotes three standard deviations from the norm of "Cot me anuther polecat last nite an' fried it up wit duh grits."  (my attempt at hick in print)  I don't know, but a well worded letter is a truly endangered art form.  I can't remember the last time I sent an actual personal letter.

Of course this is nothing new.  Email was only the beginning.  It wasn't fast enough so it got replaced with Instant Messaging, which still wasn't good enough because people might not be at their desk, so Text Messaging took over.  Newspapers were replaced with blogs, which were replaced with Facebook, which was replaced with Twitter.  The world has moved to an immediate information fulfillment economy.  The problem with this is that in our quest for ever faster information, we have lost something.  The elegance of speech has been replaced with crazy contractions and emoticons.  Once words were woven into a textured tapestry.  Now they are blurted and spurted into existence for all the world to digest like a Chicken McNugget.  We are captivated by sound bites instead listening to a speech in its entirety.  What passes for noteworthy is often banal and our thoughts have become so raw and unformed that Twitter, with its 140 word limit, is probably the best place for information.  The world has ADHD.

And what is the cure?  Feel free to speculate on it in the comments while I check on my phone for updates...

The Algebra of the Atonement

I have a lot of writings bottled up from showers past and on occasion I'll release them.  This is a previously unreleased work from a year ago.  I purposely try not to reveal too much about myself because I believe that every time your name appears on the internet you lose a piece of your soul.  If you're reading this, however, you probably know who I am already and what I believe. 

Disclaimer:  I don't purport for this to be gospel or even remotely inspired.  It's just a framework of thought.  It's a little raw and may need to be edited (or even completely deleted if I later realize I was completely wrong), but the basic form is there.

This thought has been percolating in my brain for a while, and it gelled for me today while I was in the shower - where all good thoughts are born.  I've been pondering the infinite nature of the atonement and the nature of justice and thought I'd relate it in simple mathematic terms.

The anthropomorphism of justice is the woman with a blindfold holding a scale.  The blindfold represents impartiality and the scales represent crime and punishment (I think).  The idea is that punishment should equal the crime, which balances the scales.  If we were to represent this mathematically, we could think of it as the ratio of punishment to crime:

 When punishment is equal to crime, the ratio is 1, meaning perfect balance.  If the punishment were too large, the ratio would be greater than 1 and if it were not enough, it would be less than 1.  Simple enough.  In the case of Christ, where there was no crime, any punishment would result in division by zero.  Some consider division by zero to be infinity, and others consider it to be undefined.  Either way, it is a result incomprehensible by Justice.

Now I'd like to say something about God's punishment.  It would be unreasonable to think that Christ never suffered physical and even emotional difficulties in his life.  I'm sure he stepped on thorns, got sick, and generally had a difficult life.  After all, he lived in an age before air conditioning.  Often we call our difficulties in life punishments.  We've done something wrong and God has smitten us.  Many times we turn heavenward and wonder what we've done to deserve the punishments we've received.  Christ, who lived a perfect life, never did anything and still he suffered the pains of this world.  They are not punishments.  They are simply the conditions we live in.  God does not curse us.  In fact, he really only has one punishment - the removal us His Spirit from us.  Every time we sin, he removes himself a little more from us.  I assume the amount is proportionate to our crime, thereby keeping the Justice equation equal to one.  We may feel at times that God has removed himself fully from us and that we are alone but even this is not the case.  If God were to fully withdraw himself I believe we would cease to live.  It is by His power that we draw breath.  It is by His power that the atoms in our body hold together and we continue to exist.  Without the power of God, also called the priesthood, holding the universe together, it would cease.

Christ, however, being perfect and being Deity, was worthy of the full presence of God.  The Spirit was His constant companion.  When Christ performed the atonement, it is my belief that God withdrew His Spirit completely, the full punishment that could be meted out.  If it were anyone else, the atonement would have destroyed them.  But Christ, having the fullness of the priesthood and power over the elements of the universe, was able to survive despite the awesome pain that it must be to be separated fully from the love of our Father in Heaven.  His punishment was the full measure.  It was infinite, more than anyone on earth could ever endure.  

By accepting an infinite punishment for a nonexistent crime, the equation was broken, Justice was confounded, and mercy was afforded to the children of men.  Only Christ had the power to do this.  He was not obligated to accept a punishment, but he took it upon himself for our sake.  The depth of His love for His children to undertake such a punishment cannot be fathomed.

The "Hill" metaphor

Thinking about my last post got me thinking about myself.  I'm getting older as fast as they are, even though it seems like it happens to them overnight - probably because there comes a point where creative makeup can't hide age anymore.  I was in the shower (remember: this is where the great ideas strike) thinking about what a pain certain activities are and wondering if I was "over the hill".  Then it occurred to me that this is a lousy metaphor for life.

"Over the hill" implies that those of us past our "peak" are the downward slope.  Going downhill is supposed to be easier, but anyone who has heard the sound their own knees make when bending down knows that this is not the case.  Everything becomes more difficult with age, not easier.  A better metaphor would be a valley.  Youth may seem difficult at the time, but as anyone who is on the other side of the valley and working their way up can tell you, it really is much easier to go down.  Most of the problems youth have comes from going too fast - literally and figuratively - and the downhill only help them to accelerate.

Pushing up the other side of the valley isn't easy.  Perhaps that's why a lot of men (and women) make the errant decision to try to coast back into the valley in the form of a midlife crisis.  But as anyone who has gone to a high school reunion can tell you: "you can never go back."  Backward steps only delay or derail the accomplishments in your life and you'll have to climb it again eventually.

So here is a salute to all those doing the uphill climb!  Onward and upward to the summit!

Aging Actors

Over the weekend I happened to catch a bit of "The Fugitive" and "Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope" (That is no fun to type) and having recently watched Morning Glory with an aging Harrison Ford (he's 68!) I was amazed at how much younger he looked.  Now his skin is sagging and he is a little hunched.  Hey - he still looks better than me, but it breaks my heart to know that he won't produce another action/adventure blockbuster.  And that got me thinking about other actors who are being claimed by the years.  Here is my list of actors/actresses that I am sad to see moving over for younger generations.  I wish I could reverse the years on them...

1. Liam Neeson - he was late to the party anyways, and is still producing great movies.  Only a year ago he made "Taken" where he was a ex-spy trying to rescue his kidnapped daughter but it won't be too long before he's playing a grandpa trying to remember...something....
2. Sean Connery - Oh...he's been aging for years and I'm sure people were looking at him playing opposite Catherine Zeta Jones and thinking it was time for him to get out of the game.  Still nobody played cool quite like the original Bond.
3. Tom Selleck - he never quite hit the same highs as the other actors on this list and that is a shame.  At best he was Quigly Down Under.  But the mustachioed one just oozed macho and I wish he had headlined a few more great films.  Now he is relegated to playing Ashton Kutcher's stepfather - ick!  Sadly we'll never get to see how high he could have flown.
4. Sandra Bullock - For some unknown reason I sat through the entirety of "The Proposal" and couldn't stop thinking how old she is getting.  Women age faster than men for reasons science knows.  It's sad that their stars fade faster than men's - with the notable exception of the spicy Hellen Mirren.  But with Sandra, although her perky personality that popped in "Demolition Man" and "Speed" is still there, she is showing the signs of time.  It won't be long before she'll be playing the soccer mom and the crazy aunt to some forgettable newcomers.
5. Anthony Hopkins - He has been playing old guys as long as I can remember.  Of course, I don't remember him before Hannibal Lecter, but have you seen him lately?  I will still pay to watch him read the newspaper - he is that engaging, but he needs to choose his twilight films (not Twilight the nasty vampire soap opera) carefully.  We don't need another "Black Sheep" with the precious time he has left.
6. UPDATE 1:  Mel Gibson.  Personally, I don't care much about his personal life as I don't care about most people's, not just movie stars.  Still, Mel was quite the draw.  Between Mad Max, Lethal Weapon, and triple threat Braveheart, he could throw down action with the best.  Now he is playing vengeful fathers ala Liam Neeson.  I believe he might have one more dark blockbuster in him, but the lines on his face mean that the lines on his script will involve less stunt work.
7. Clint Eastwood - I know the guy is 80-some and still making movies - Gran Torino and Million Dollar Baby were awesome - and as a director he really knows how to make it raw.  But he won't last forever.  And we won't get to see another Josey Wales, Harry Calahan (sp?), William Munney (which was kinda the point of "Unforgiven" anyway).
8. Tommy Lee Jones - He's still making fine movies like his one time co-star Clint Eastwood, but I fear he won't be making another appearance as Sam Gerard.  And such a shame.  The only reason U.S. Marshals is in my DVD collection is because of his performance.  He'll probably make some more great films, but his action days are (probably) behind him as well.
9. Ed Harris - He's not a name you might think of instantly, but his solid performances in many movies could be easily overlooked.  I even sat through his labor of love - "Pollack" (which I don't recommend, sadly).  Ed will probably go the way of Tom Skerrit, another beloved father figure actor whose character lines are blurring as the wrinkles increase.
10. UPDATE 2: Morgan Freeman.  The man is 73 and still making great films.  I'm a pre-emptive mourner for the day we lose his golden voice.  

There are many other actors who are moving on, will be moving on shortly, or should have moved on long ago.  Bruce Willis is still playing hard men, but how much longer can that last.  Even the amazingly indestructible John McClane will eventually get run over by a power chair.  And Kurt Russel's next role as Snake Pliskin will be "Escape from Shady Rest Home".  Tom Cruise - 'nuff said.  Michelle Pfieffer still looks great, but she won't be playing catwoman again - meow!  Kevin Costner's on the outside of the age envelope to make a sequel to "Dances With Wolves".  Gene Hackman seems to have disappeared from the marquis which is a shame.  He has a real gravitas to him.  Jack Nicholson, Dustin Hoffman, Al Pacino, and Robert DeNiro are a mixed bag of aging gracefully and should choose their films carefully.  We don't want to remember them for things like "Little Fockers".  Christopher Lloyd - the amazing Doc Brown - has already blown his legacy on "Baby Geniuses" - (Full Disclosure: I did not watch "Baby Geniuses".  I just got a real sucky vibe from it.)  Speaking of "Back to the Future", we never got to see Michael J. Fox peak.  So sad.  I'm also sad to see John Cusack (still cool after all these years) and Mathew Broderick (lost his cool somewhere after "Glory") getting older.  Kevin Spacey has some time left on his clock, but his middle years are coming to an end.  Someday his Verbal Kint limp may be real.

There are many more that I haven't mentioned.   Feel free to nominate your favorite star in a decaying orbit in the comments.

The best ideas

I've said it once and I'll say it again - the best ideas come while I'm in the shower.  I don't know if it's the sweet noise that drowns out the rest of the world so that my creativity has free reign over my mind (funny how you can't hear them, but they can hear you - especially when you're singing.) or perhaps its the soothing massage the warm water beats on my head.  Whatever the reason, my best and clearest thinking of the day comes while I'm lathering up and soaking in a shower.  Not a bath, mind you, but a full-blown, water-wasting, mirror-fogging wonder.  The universe just seems to make sense.

And if you suffer from the aforementioned mirror problem, I have a shower-conceived solution:

Once I went scuba diving and the instructor gave us some sort of spray to keep our masks from fogging.  It seemed to me like dish soap and water.  When we were younger we just spit in our masks and wiped it around, but this seems less barbaric and more hygienic.  In any case, after suffering mirror blight one day, I went out and got some dish soap and rubbed it on the mirror.  Then I took some toilet paper and spread it around.  After wiping all over the mirror till it was evenly spread and I couldn't see the streaks, it no longer fogged.  After a few weeks it started to run, so I applied another coat.  It works great.  And if someone asks you where you learned how to do it, just say you thought it up while *you* were in the shower.  Because - be honest - when has referencing a blog on the internet ever gotten you respect?

Robes

I never understood the attraction with bathrobes until recently. I just looked at them as a convenience. I never understood why Hawkeye always wore one in MASH. (One of the best TV shows ever.) Sure it says "Hey, I'm lazy and unapologetic", but it also says something more.

In days of yore, robes were only worn by people of nobility. Kings, regents, and such. Everyone else wore work clothing. Robes have excess fabric that would get in the way of real work. And fabric was a luxury. A robe is a symbol of respect. I bought mine so I could go outside without going through the hassle of getting dressed. Then I started wearing it inside. When you wear it closed, as it should be, you feel warm and comfy (free plug for Burlington Coat factory where I bought it for $15) and sufficiently hidden from the world to walk outside. But throw it open (wear something underneath before you do this or you'll scare the neighbors) and let it flow behind you. Walk with your head held high. You're wearing a robe. And this is your kingdom.

Feel like a king. Feel like a man. Wear a bathrobe. Open.

My First Post - aaaaahhhhhh.

You would think, given my sometimes surprising points of view and my already notorious thirst for technology that I would have already put up a blog by now. Heck...blogs are old fashioned already. Now if you're not plugged into the latest hyper-social-web injection service, you're old news. But my purpose here is not to be hip or retro or try to share family updates or recipes. I just want an outlet for my thoughts...a mental toilet if you will. That way all the crazy thoughts floating in my head have someplace to go. If they make you think or smile, that is your fault. Feel free to comment. If I don't like it, I reserve the right to remove it with no explanation. This is not a democracy. If you do like it, and perhaps there are enough comments, perhaps I'll keep doing this until my head is empty. Cue time-till-empty-head joke here.

Have a nice day.